Why does couples therapy get a bad rap?

Many people make statements like, "they tried everything to save their marriage. They even did couples' therapy and nothing worked". That right there is the crux of the issue.

The reason that couples therapy often isn't successful is that couples present for treatment long after their marriages are over. Think about going to a plastic surgeon and asking the doctor to remove a scar that has years and years of scar tissue built up around it. How successful will that doctor be?

Marital therapy is similar. We can't, as counselors, combat years and years of built up resentments and anger. Couples often come in as a last resort, if this doesn't fix them, then it's time to give up. What is the solution to this?

Think of marital therapy as maintenance of a relationship to keep it healthy. Just as you go to get yearly physicals and check ups to make sure all is well with your body, therapy can be that regular check up to help you stay connected, improve communication, and air resentments before they build and fester. Marriage is hard work and it requires active commitment to stay happy and healthy.

Let's start to view couples therapy as preventative therapy- instead of a last resort before divorce or break up, it can be a constant commitment to prevent divorce or break ups.